Adventures in Romance

Mmm... just one more game...

My girlfriend went on vacation to Vancouver this week, leaving me alone in this lonely town. As I played my fourth uninterrupted hour of NHL 13, I realized she would be coming back tomorrow, and a wave of inspiration hit me. I finished my game (naturally), and set out to begin my romantic adventure.

Just before she left, she had been hoping to install an owl-shaped hook on the wall in her room, but ran out of time. Returning home from vacations can be a let down, so I figured if she walked into her room and saw the owl already installed by yours truly, this would earn me some highly valued boyfriend points. I have a key, so the next day after school I stopped by her place and let myself into her room. I knew where she wanted the owl, so I started to make holes in her wall.

It should be noted at this point that I am not anything close to a handy man. I like to think I'm as smooth as Don Draper in that scene where he fixes the sink in his undershirt, but I'm probably more like Screech from Saved by the Bell.

Jesus, he could butter toast sexily.

So I have two somewhat lopsided holes now and I try to put the screw in. But there must be a brick wall or something deeper in there, because I can't get the hole to go further (feels like a that's what she said joke, but it's not). So my screw won't go deep enough, and as I jam it in, it's just destroying the hole I created, making it bigger and bigger (too... obvious...).

The bottom is what it should be, the top is the mess I created.

There also these yellow pieces that come with it, which look like they act as some sort of plug that I put the screws in. Maybe these are common items, but I have never seen them before. I shove the yellow thing in the hole, but now it won't even fit (dear god...). So I have to stuff the hole with toilet paper to make it a bit smaller, and I shove that little sucker in there.

Yes that's toilet paper bulging out.

Success! I trim the bulging toilet paper to make it look nice (as nice as bulging toilet paper can look) and get to work on the second hole (argh... must hold off...). I fix the owl into place and shove the screws in there, desperately hoping they will catch. And they do! Sure, maybe it's not as smooth as Don Draper, but at least it's better than Screech.

Ladies...

Feeling accomplished, I slowly back out, and await what I'm sure will be heaps of praise, and most likely more jobs around her place. But I will accept gallantly; it's all in a days work for someone who is trying to impress their girlfriend. I mean, she will have just left Vancouver, a city she loves, and someone's got to fill that hole.

That's what she said.

Ten bucks it falls off by tomorrow.