Adventures in Romance

Mmm... just one more game...

My girlfriend went on vacation to Vancouver this week, leaving me alone in this lonely town. As I played my fourth uninterrupted hour of NHL 13, I realized she would be coming back tomorrow, and a wave of inspiration hit me. I finished my game (naturally), and set out to begin my romantic adventure.

Just before she left, she had been hoping to install an owl-shaped hook on the wall in her room, but ran out of time. Returning home from vacations can be a let down, so I figured if she walked into her room and saw the owl already installed by yours truly, this would earn me some highly valued boyfriend points. I have a key, so the next day after school I stopped by her place and let myself into her room. I knew where she wanted the owl, so I started to make holes in her wall.

It should be noted at this point that I am not anything close to a handy man. I like to think I'm as smooth as Don Draper in that scene where he fixes the sink in his undershirt, but I'm probably more like Screech from Saved by the Bell.

Jesus, he could butter toast sexily.

So I have two somewhat lopsided holes now and I try to put the screw in. But there must be a brick wall or something deeper in there, because I can't get the hole to go further (feels like a that's what she said joke, but it's not). So my screw won't go deep enough, and as I jam it in, it's just destroying the hole I created, making it bigger and bigger (too... obvious...).

The bottom is what it should be, the top is the mess I created.

There also these yellow pieces that come with it, which look like they act as some sort of plug that I put the screws in. Maybe these are common items, but I have never seen them before. I shove the yellow thing in the hole, but now it won't even fit (dear god...). So I have to stuff the hole with toilet paper to make it a bit smaller, and I shove that little sucker in there.

Yes that's toilet paper bulging out.

Success! I trim the bulging toilet paper to make it look nice (as nice as bulging toilet paper can look) and get to work on the second hole (argh... must hold off...). I fix the owl into place and shove the screws in there, desperately hoping they will catch. And they do! Sure, maybe it's not as smooth as Don Draper, but at least it's better than Screech.

Ladies...

Feeling accomplished, I slowly back out, and await what I'm sure will be heaps of praise, and most likely more jobs around her place. But I will accept gallantly; it's all in a days work for someone who is trying to impress their girlfriend. I mean, she will have just left Vancouver, a city she loves, and someone's got to fill that hole.

That's what she said.

Ten bucks it falls off by tomorrow.

Who Thought This Was a Good Idea?

The American Freedom Defense Initiative put up these posters around New York City. For those who can't read, that says "In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. Support Israel, Defeat Jihad." Its an Ayn Rand quote, and the people of New York saw fit to do this to the posters.

You know, if the Israel/Jihad part was taken out, that could have just been an extra part of the ad for The Chamber Music Society! But instead these poorly thought out posters were slapped with "Racist" tags over them. They are trying to start the ad campaign in Washington D.C. as well, but so far are seeing a little pushback.

These ads are so stupid. Not that there is anything wrong with supporting Israel, or being against Jihadists, but when your campaign is so easily dismissed just on the face of racist, hateful speech like this, it makes it difficult to look past it to the actual message.

I'll have more substantial posts later this week!

The Nonsense of Muslims

I'm sure everyone is up to date on the recent terror in Libya and other Middle Eastern nations because of the outrage over the anti-Islam film The Innocence of Muslims. It's a tragedy that people have been killed over this film, but to me these actions are a reminder to back in 2005 when the Danish Muhammad cartoon controversy erupted.

Unfortunately to link these two events is an insult to the writers of the Danish cartoons. Those were actually a clever attempt at satire (I particularly enjoyed the picture of the cartoonist nervously drawing Muhammad while looking over his shoulder), and fully within what we in the "western world" cherish as free speech. The mocking of religion is something many people defended, rightfully so, as a necessary part of living in our modern society. The Jyllands-Posten newspaper which printed the cartoons also offered a commentary on why they printed them which included:

The modern, secular society is rejected by some Muslims. They demand a special position, insisting on special consideration of their own religious feelings. It is incompatible with contemporary democracy and freedom of speech, where one must be ready to put up with insults, mockery and ridicule.

The infamous cartoons, if you care to see them. A little small, I know. 

A well-thought response from a community only a year removed from the murder of Theo van Gogh.

On the other hand we have this abortion of cinema known as The Innocence of Muslims. I watched it, and it is so bad, I thought part way through that this must be some sort of satire of propaganda films, or just taking a jab at amateur filmmaking in general. It is so bad, I felt like it there must be some Poe's Law-type parody going on, and I was just moments away from the subtle wink, or the punchline, or something to let me know that this wasn't actually a serious effort.

But apparently it is.

You can view the film yourself, but it's pretty painful. The filmmaker clearly had the actors reading some other script, and then inserted his own words into their mouths in post-production. One laughably crude example has two characters discussing what name they should call someone else, and as one of the characters answers a disembodied voice says "His name his Muhammad." which doesn't match up at all with the his lips. It's pathetically juvenile. Which leads to the obvious question:

How can anybody possibly be insulted by this?

Now, despite what I tell women who I think might potentially sleep with me, I am not an expert on foreign policy. But it doesn't take a desperate college student to see that something else is clearly going on here. Something much bigger than this shit-stain of a film (which to call it that is an insult to films, and shit-stains, everywhere).

This is the kind of manufactured outrage that is designed by the people in power to keep the people out of power chaotic and angered. It keeps them pointing their fingers across the ocean, instead of back at their own leaders.

A film ten times more eloquent and a hundred times more critical of Islam should be able to be produced and not have any violence erupt from it. The same way we should be able to be critical of any idea or ideology that can be thought up; nothing is sacred. Unfortunately, we just don't live in that type of world right now.

Awesome NFL Punter's Gay Marriage Defense

I read this over the weekend, and thought it was worth sharing. NFL Punter Chris Cluwe went on a tirade against Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr.


"I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population..."


Nice. Read the full thing here. 

Predictions for the 2012 US Election

The Democratic National Convention is going on right now, and we are just two months away from election day. So what better way to make things go by faster than by throwing out some predictions!

1) Barack Obama will win a second term as President of the United States.

Not the boldest prediction at this point, but it seems pretty reasonable. Even if Mitt Romney gets Florida and Ohio, he will still have quite a long way to go, and I just don't see the campaigns trending that way.  The Republican National Convention didn't give him a huge boost, so really all Romney has left are the debates to win over undecided voters. But the debates look to be a place where Romney will be confronted head on by issues that he has been able to hide from behind a timid media.

2) Once Mitt Romney loses, the right wing media will throw him under the bus.

Do you remember how harshly the right wing media came down on Justice John Roberts when he was the tie-breaking vote for the constitutionality of the Affordable Health Care for America Act? They are not a forgiving bunch. And it's my feeling that if Romney loses you will see a movement even further to the right.

All the defences they've put up to protect him and push him forward will come crumbling down. Do you recall during the primaries how reluctant they were to embrace him? The voters too, yes, but the media played a big role in that as well. Everyone else was getting their chance to be the anti-Romney candidate in 2011. Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich (twice), Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, and Herman Cain.

Look at this graph from Media Matters:

The left side coincides with his official announcement to run for president. Follow that link (or this one) and you'll see that everyone got their chance on Fox News to audition for the chance to be the nominee. And they all rose up, and then fell back down, one after another. And finally it was Herman Cain's sexual harassment scandal that they had had enough. It was clear no one else was going to take it from Romney, and it was like the changed overnight, defending him from attacks from far more conservative nominees because he actually had the most realistic chance of challenging President Obama.

That allegiance, once the election is over (and thus there is no more use for him), will come crashing down, and Romney will be hung out to dry as "not conservative enough."All the defences they have for him now will turn into attacks on why he actually wasn't the right candidate. They will "discover" that Romney actually wasn't the hardcore conservative he said he was, and now if they just find that guy (or girl) then they'll have a real shot for 2016.

3) The Republican Party will shift further to the right.

George W. Bush, love him or hate him, is conspicuously absent from the campaign trail. And good for him, saying he wants to "stay out of the spotlight." Since leaving office, he has remained silent on President Obama's policies for the most part, made an appearance on Oprah, and has enjoyed retirement. He even found time to combat AIDS in Africa.

But what is the real reason George W. Bush is not around? Is it because he is an easy target for blame for the recession? Partly, but I think it is mainly because George W. Bush is no longer a hardcore conservative to the current Republic (Tea) Party. Government did not get smaller under Bush, it got bigger. He proposed immigration reform that was supported by Democrats, but not by his own party. And look at No Child Left Behind. Bush worked with the Democrats to create the act which actually increased education spending nationwide. This kind of talk is absolutely unheard of in today's GOP.

So we will come to whole new 8-year cycle in 2016, and I believe the party will shift even further to the right. Will poster-boy Paul Ryan take the helm? He is a tea-party favourite, but being tied to a losing candidate for President could hurt his image, and he might not do well against Joe Biden in the debates. Jeb Bush? Or someone new? The field is going to be wide open. You won't see all of these big name candidates declining to run for personal reasons like Mike Huckabee and Chris Christie. It is going to be every man for himself, and you are going to see some very different ideologies come forward as the Republican Party tries to shape itself into a modern conservative movement.

Regardless of who the next nominee is, if you hated the endless primary season this time around, you are going to absolutely loathe it next time.



Let me know what you guys think in the comments below. Am I way off? Do you see something different? I'd love you hear all of your opinions!

The First Post!

Here we go, this is officially the first post of my new blog. Thank you very much for reading it, but let's get to the nitty gritty.

What will this blog be about? Well, as of right now, it is currently named Alan Jazeera, which implies it will be some sort of news-oriented blog, perhaps with puns. I think that's a pretty fair guess, but I can't really predict the future.

I am not the smartest person in Creative Communications class, nor am I the best looking, but I do have an opinion, and that is the one thing I will share on this blog. And typos. I am more than willing to include many, many typos to appease my fans who cherish them.

Will there be cake? Doubtful.

Okay, that's enough procrastinating let's get this show on the road; and I think it's pretty classy to include a nice quote, so that's what I'm going to do. Let's go with my hero, Christopher Hitchens:

"The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks."

Mmm, perfect. Ok, let's enjoy!