Am I Being A Scrooge On Christmas? Or: How I Saved A Cat and Learned To Love Again

This is maybe a bit of a cathartic post for me, but it's something I simply have to say. I'm going to start with the happy part first, and then I'll tell you when to stop reading if you don't want that warm fuzzy feeling to go away.

Four days ago a cat came to my door as my brother and I were sitting at home. I hear this very loud meowing and walk over to the door. Sitting there is a very cold cat pacing back and forth on the doorstep.

It kinda looked like this. But colder.

Now, I should be very clear here: I am not a cat person. I am not an "any-animal" person. I do not like animals. My girlfriend chastises me for this constantly, and tries to make me do ridiculous things like say goodbye to her cat Max when I leave her place, and say that I'm his "uncle." I don't hate animals, but I just don't like them. They are messy, and smelly, and I just don't relate to them in any meaningful way.

So I am looking at this poor little cat who has probably been roaming our very cold Winnipeg streets and I figure I have to do something. It runs away anytime I try to get close, but I grab a bowl and fill it with water and next time I open the door it seems transfixed on this bowl. So I put the bowl on the ground, and close the door, and watch from the other side as it slowly creeps forward and begins drinking.

Success! OK, I fed the cat, congratulations to me, now I can move on with my life. Well, actually it's still freezing, so I figure, I should let it inside. I'll skip over the details, but basically this cat was so scared, I had to inch the bowl closer and closer to the inside of the house until it finally felt safe enough to climb in.

I've now been feeding the cat for about 10 minutes. I start to pet it while my hands are gloved, because at this point I think it might bite or scratch me. At first I thought it was purring, but I realized it was shivering, so I took my gloves off and tried to heat it up with my hands, which eventually worked. At this point, I can see that it has a little collar on, and I decide to take a look at it. It says something like:


MY NAME IS GOHN MOMOTO
CALL 614-XXX-XXXX


I yell to my brother, who's sitting in the other room, to check up what area code that is, and he tells me it's Ohio. Ohio! What is a cat from Ohio doing here?

For those who don't know, this is where Ohio is.

We didn't know exactly what to say to these people, my brother Michael thought "we have your cat," would be good, but I thought that sounded a little ominous. We decided on something like "we found your cat, gohn momoto," and just waited for a reply.

Almost instantly we start getting information back that this cat has been lost since July and that these people now live in Alaska! So we decide we need to get this thing to the Winnipeg Humane Society right now.

Mike pulls up the car, and we attach a little gym bag strap as a makeshift leash to to Momoto's collar (I called him Momoto because it's more fun to say; the media would refer to him as Gohn, and his name is actually supposed to be Nomoto, but the collar is misspelled). I lead him out to the car, but he is getting very nervous and is now trying to not budge. I pick him up, but he gets very antsy. I put him back down, and try to coax him closer to the car, as Mike comes out to help. As Mike gets closer to Momoto he starts totally freaking out and *ZIP* he flies across the yard, breaking the "leash" and running off into a neighbour's yard.

I tried to look for him for a bit, but to no avail, so we go back home, discouraged.

We leave the bowl out in case he comes back and wouldn't you know it, not 10 minutes later he is back drinking out of the bowl. This time I decide to call a cat professional: my girlfriend.

My girlfriend says that she and her mom will come down right away with a cat carrier (I don't know the real name for those things) and some cat food. We try to bring the cat in but it is SO SCARED, I can't stress this enough. We simply can not approach Momoto, it runs like hell when anyone goes to it, and I don't want to lose it again. But I need to attach that leash again, and hope it doesn't break this time until my girlfriend comes with the cat carrier.

I walk out, Momoto runs off, but we've now worked out a little system where he will come towards me as long as I am holding the bowl of water in front of me and moving very slowly. Then, once he starts drinking, I can pet him and he will be just fine. So I do this, attach the leash, and wait for the cat carrier.

It is now very cold out, and I am sitting out here for about 10 minutes petting this cat, and I have to tell you, this is the absolute worst part of the ordeal.

Mike comes out to check on us, and the second he gets close Momoto loses it. He runs off in the other direction, but the leash holds strong and yanks him back. If I could describe the pitiful little sound that came out of Momoto when he jumped like that, and the crazy twitching he did I would, but it is way too painful to even think about. It was really heart-breaking.

"Get back inside!" I yell to Mike, and he obliges.

What makes this part so bad, is that minutes later, unfortunately, my dad comes out to see what is going on as well. He opens the door and this time Momoto goes totally insane. He runs a different way: straight up our fence. He is now dangling on the fence, with his two arms holding up and he looks back at me.

I'm not a good enough writer to properly convey what I saw, but I'll say this: the look Momoto gave me is the most human look I have ever seen on an animal with my own two eyes. His eyes were so big, staring right at me, as he clawed the fence to maintain his balance. He didn't make a sound this time, but his message was much more clear. It said "help me."

A little like this, but a thousand times less cute.

"Get inside!" I yell to my dad as I try to pull him down to safety.

Now he absolutely does not want to move. He sits in the snow by the fence as I try to pet him. Surely my girlfriend will be coming soon. I try to move him from this spot to get ready for the cat carrier.

Well, of course, the leash breaks again, and Momoto zips away just like last time.

This time I'm not going to let him get away. He goes from neighbours yard to yard, through back lanes, and as my girlfriend comes with her mom, they find my three houses down on the other side of the back lane holding the bowl trying to coax Momoto from under a truck.

The story does not go well from here. We try to grab it, it breaks free again, we chase it across the street for about 20 minutes, and soon are forced to give up. No Momoto.

Two days ago, however, I hear some meowing again, and look who it is? Momoto! This time we act fast. I get some water into a bowl and begin my classic hold the bowl out trick, and soon Momoto is in my arms, I attach a much stronger gym bag handle to act as a leash (which, of course, sounds ridiculous now) and try to bring him into the cat carrier. As I pull on him, he makes these horrible choking sounds, and I soon realize I do not have the stomach for this, and call on Mike to pull on Momoto. He successfully does, and we close the cat carrier on him with Momoto inside.

Hurray!!! We drive off to the Winnipeg Humane Society and they happily take Momoto and all the contact information we garnered and move on with our lives.

Yay Christmas!

***

OK, this is the point where you should stop reading if you don't want a non-happy story.

Yesterday rolls around, and as I wake up my brother says he has fielded calls from CTV and the Winnipeg Free Press about Momoto.

Here watch the CTV story:


http://www.ctvnews.ca/video?playlistId=1.1089165


Does this tale sound like the one I just told you? What is the main difference from this story to the one I just relayed to you?

That's right!

I'm not in it!

I'm no where to be seen! In fact, if you saw this story, you might think my brother Michael is the one who did all the work.

Now, some might call me petty. The cat is going home, no harm no foul, right? Believe me, I couldn't be more ecstatic that Momoto (now officially Gohn Nomoto) is going to be reunited with his owner. But that's just the point. I couldn't be more excited. Me.

Because I am the one who was out petting him for half an hour as I waited for my girlfriend to come with cat food. I am the one who chased him through Campbell and Borebank street yelling "Momoto! Here, Momoto," to a cat I met not two hours before.

So when I talked to Michael about why he failed to include me when the Free Press and CTV came calling, he said, "I did! I told the truth! I said it was both us, 50/50."

50/50. Fifty per cent him, and fifty per cent me. I believe he thought handing in Momoto to the Humane Society was part of his contribution. Yes, I drove, dropped them off, and parked the car, and saw that he had put his contact info on the sheet for the Humane Society before I got inside.

Thus, they called him.

I don't know, maybe I am being petty. Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong thing here, and I should be happy. Or maybe I'm concerned this somehow diminishes what I did for Momoto; as in if what I did in Michael's mind was 50%, maybe I actually didn't do that much for him, and I built it up to be more in my head.

Grinch, Scrooge, whatever.

Maybe.

I'll leave that up to you, reader.

And to Momoto, you are now Gohn. And gone. I'll miss you.


EDIT: I wrote this last night, and now having woken up with a fresh perspective, I see that the Winnipeg Free Press has written an article about this as well.
Reading there's has got me thinking: this actually is petty.
I am going to leave my post up, but I think this is what was going on in my head.
I think I THOUGHT the story was about my rescue.
Really, it is about the bigger picture, the wild circumstances about Gohn's journey, and I am just a piece of it.
I suppose I was insecure about my contribution.
Oh wel, I hope you enjoy my story anyway, but I guess we're allowed to be a little Scrooge-ish on Christmas, right?

Cheated Out of $100

Over the summer I worked for one day as a Production Assistant on CBC's Over the Rainbow reality tv series where girls competed to get the role of Dorothy for some production in Toronto. None of that matters because the real thing is THEY CHEATED ME OUT OF $100. I worked for them for a day, and they haven't paid me, coming up with bullshit excuses every time.

Just to be clear, it's not CBC, it's the fucking production company Temple Rainbow Productions Limited. Fuck them to hell.

I should have known from the start when after I, and the seven other people about to jammed in the ass, finished up our day of work that they said they wouldn't be able to pay us that day, and instead would email us some document which we would have to fill out and them send back. So first off we get a fucking chore to do AFTER we just worked for you, just to get our measly fucking $100.

Of course these fucking emails went right into my spam folder, as if my email could detect the shady nature of these scumbag pieces of shit. Once I found it, I emailed them all the documents. But oh no!

"The payroll company is mentioning that they can't make out most of the info through you sending them this way. When they're printed out a lot of info is hard to read. Isn't there a way for you to scan them somewhere and send. This seems more like a photograph of them was taken. The other option you can try is faxing it to us and I'll let you know if any info is cut out. Thanks. Fax number is XXXXXX" 

Ok, fine. So I re-send. 

"Thanks for this but none of the info is coming through clearly when printing. Can you fax?" 

NO I CAN'T FUCKING FAX ASSHOLE! I AM A SINGLE MAN LIVING IN 2012, WHY THE FUCK WOULD I HAVE A FAX MACHINE?! Other people seem to be doing just fine without faxing, just eat a dick and send me my measly fucking $100!

I hate you Vince, I hate your stupid fucking company, and I hate your stupid fucking fax machine. I hope you get wrongly placed into hell, and they try to send you the proper documents to heaven, but they can't get them because they don't have a fax machine. 

And then you get raped by Hitler.

Warren Farrell Protest

Watch this video, and tell me what you think:

To sum up, Warren Farrell is a man who was doing a talk at the University of Toronto. A group of people decided to protest this because they disagreed with his views which they deemed anti-feminist at best, and rape-apologist at worst.

People who wanted to see the talk were not able to get in because these people blocked their way.

Really, you should just watch the video and tell me what you think.

My favourite part is at the end when a guy is saying he doesn't have to agree with someone to listen to their views, and he just wants to hear what people's opinions are. This throws one lady for a loop, as she can't understand how someone could pay money and listen to someone talk without already agreeing with all of their views, saying "why would you pay money to support a rape apologist if you weren't one?" He wisely took the high road and walked away, but it got me thinking that anyone who's seen a Chris Rock show are now all actually black comedians, since they supported him, and why would they pay money to see a black comedian if they weren't one?

Leave comments, especially if you know anything about who Warren Farrell is.

Nerd Alert: Fiasco Review

Winner of many independent RPG awards, so hipster nerds love it.

I am going to nerd out here a little bit and introduce you to a fine new purchase I made recently: Fiasco, an RPG published by Bully Pulpit Games, and created by Jason Morningstar.

RPG, for the uninitiated, means roleplaying game. As in a game where you take on the role of a character, and play as them. Roleplaying game! The most well known RPG in history is unquestionably Dungeons and Dragons, but this game really isn't anything like that. There are no battles, no monsters, no complex dungeons to adventure through.

Instead, Fiasco is based on small-time caper films like Fargo, The Ladykillers, and Small Time Crooks. The game falls into a few sections. First, the 3-5 players roll some dice, and die by die determine their relationships to each other. Once that is settled, the players take away dice and act out scenes until no more dice remain, and an aftermath of their disastrous situation is resolved.

A big part of the fun is that during each scene that is acted out, the players who aren't in the scene determine whether the scene goes positively or negatively for a player by giving them a white (for positive resolutions) or a black (for negative resolutions) die part way through the scene. So things never quite go the way you plan for them to.

We didn't have enough black dice, so we had two groups:
"Whites Only", and "Coloured". Didn't think that one through.

So that's the stuff you would need to know. Sounds pretty nerdy, right? Well, what's really cool, is that I've found how amazing the game is as a storytelling tool. Take the way the relationships are established:

Through tables provided in the Fiasco handbook, and with the dice your players have rolled, you determine your relationships together. These each fall into two sections- Relationships ie. how you know each other, and Details ie. a shared Location, Object, or Need. Basically you roll a bunch of dice, and based off of the numbers that come up, one by one you pick a die to correspond with a detail on the tables. Easy.

You share these traits with the person to your right, and to your left. And that's what makes it so interesting.

So you aren't rolling up and determining your own character; you are discovering your relationship to two other people. And they, in turn, are also getting relationships with the two people next to them. Thus, a five person game is going to start to have a deeply-weaved web of intriguing characters.

Our story centered around a store much like this one...

A game I recently played broke down like this:

A.J. and Ricky shared a crime relationship together, which was determined to be centered around a small drug trade. I played the naive cousin of Ricky, the small-time crime lord the suburbs, and we worked together at the Tile Hut in the mall (which turned out to be a front for his drug game). To my left was Robin, and it was determined that we were a recent couple.
Then we found out that A.J. and Robin's relationship was that of a dark past: a drunk driver and next of kin of victim. The four of us talked it out, and determined that A.J. had killed Robin's sister who had been getting into the drug game with A.J..
One of the final details was determined that though Robin and I were a new couple we shared a need together to get rich through ripping off drug lords. Soon our story was becoming clear: somehow I would have to use my contact with Ricky to get into the drug game and either provide vengeance for Robin by getting even with her sister's killer, or somehow screw both the drug guys out of lots of money.

But that was just me. Every other player also had their own different motivations and special interests. It keeps the story moving as their is always some situation that needs resolving and the action never stagnates.

I highly recommend it to RPG players everywhere, but as an improv coach, I have to say it is an amazing tool for just telling stories in general. If you are in any sort of creative medium and want to hone your craft, it's at the very least worth a play-through. It's fun, it's simple, and it's social, so grab a group of friends, plop down $25 for the book (or $12 for a pdf version) and play a game. You won't be disappointed.

Revisiting Predictions

This is a repost of my entry on September 5th. Looks like prediction number one is good. I can't wait for number two. I wouldn't be surprised if we get some quotes tonight of pundits and maybe even politicians throwing Romney under the bus. I'll update with those quotes if they happen. Interesting to see my (and I presume others) mindset going from the convention to the debates. Lots more changes happened than I anticipated, but ultimately, it looks as though my electoral college prediction will still be right.



Predictions for the 2012 US Election



The Democratic National Convention is going on right now, and we are just two months away from election day. So what better way to make things go by faster than by throwing out some predictions!

1) Barack Obama will win a second term as President of the United States.

Not the boldest prediction at this point, but it seems pretty reasonable. Even if Mitt Romney gets Florida and Ohio, he will still have quite a long way to go, and I just don't see the campaigns trending that way.  The Republican National Convention didn't give him a huge boost, so really all Romney has left are the debates to win over undecided voters. But the debates look to be a place where Romney will be confronted head on by issues that he has been able to hide from behind a timid media.

2) Once Mitt Romney loses, the right wing media will throw him under the bus.

Do you remember how harshly the right wing media came down on Justice John Roberts when he was the tie-breaking vote for the constitutionality of the Affordable Health Care for America Act? They are not a forgiving bunch. And it's my feeling that if Romney loses you will see a movement even further to the right.

All the defences they've put up to protect him and push him forward will come crumbling down. Do you recall during the primaries how reluctant they were to embrace him? The voters too, yes, but the media played a big role in that as well. Everyone else was getting their chance to be the anti-Romney candidate in 2011. Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich (twice), Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, and Herman Cain.

Look at this graph from Media Matters:

The left side coincides with his official announcement to run for president. Follow that link (or this one) and you'll see that everyone got their chance on Fox News to audition for the chance to be the nominee. And they all rose up, and then fell back down, one after another. And finally it was Herman Cain's sexual harassment scandal that they had had enough. It was clear no one else was going to take it from Romney, and it was like the changed overnight, defending him from attacks from far more conservative nominees because he actually had the most realistic chance of challenging President Obama.

That allegiance, once the election is over (and thus there is no more use for him), will come crashing down, and Romney will be hung out to dry as "not conservative enough."All the defences they have for him now will turn into attacks on why he actually wasn't the right candidate. They will "discover" that Romney actually wasn't the hardcore conservative he said he was, and now if they just find that guy (or girl) then they'll have a real shot for 2016.

3) The Republican Party will shift further to the right.

George W. Bush, love him or hate him, is conspicuously absent from the campaign trail. And good for him, saying he wants to "stay out of the spotlight." Since leaving office, he has remained silent on President Obama's policies for the most part, made an appearance on Oprah, and has enjoyed retirement. He even found time to combat AIDS in Africa.

But what is the real reason George W. Bush is not around? Is it because he is an easy target for blame for the recession? Partly, but I think it is mainly because George W. Bush is no longer a hardcore conservative to the current Republic (Tea) Party. Government did not get smaller under Bush, it got bigger. He proposed immigration reform that was supported by Democrats, but not by his own party. And look at No Child Left Behind. Bush worked with the Democrats to create the act which actually increased education spending nationwide. This kind of talk is absolutely unheard of in today's GOP.

So we will come to whole new 8-year cycle in 2016, and I believe the party will shift even further to the right. Will poster-boy Paul Ryan take the helm? He is a tea-party favourite, but being tied to a losing candidate for President could hurt his image, and he might not do well against Joe Biden in the debates. Jeb Bush? Or someone new? The field is going to be wide open. You won't see all of these big name candidates declining to run for personal reasons like Mike Huckabee and Chris Christie. It is going to be every man for himself, and you are going to see some very different ideologies come forward as the Republican Party tries to shape itself into a modern conservative movement.

Regardless of who the next nominee is, if you hated the endless primary season this time around, you are going to absolutely loathe it next time.



Let me know what you guys think in the comments below. Am I way off? Do you see something different? I'd love you hear all of your opinions!

Check out this blog: Skeptikai

You should go to Skeptikai!

The blog describes itself as "Science, psych, sex, and Japan," from the perspective of a blogger in Japan. I'd say its about a variety of topics that anyone would find interesting, and doesn't really limit itself to just those (unless you count science as a veeerrry broad topic).

Sample articles like the Top 10 Safest and Most Dangerous Countries in the World, and Is Outing an Internet Troll Going Too Far? are good examples of the kinds of topics that he touches on, and there are a bunch of comments to facilitate a nice discussion.

Give it a read.

Tebowing: Because Nothing's More Important Than the Almighty Dollar

Tim Tebow has decided to trademark his signature pose known as Tebowing. I think this is really great news for him, because it means a few things:

"Fuck, I glued my hand to my head again. Ah, I'm sure no one will notice..."

1) He has acknowledged his future lies far more in taking money from people with "Tebow" pencils, "Tebow" bracelets and other "Tebow" bullshit that his mindless followers will surely buy, than with playing any meaningful football and earning his fortune through that. And good for him.

Now you might be looking at his stats, and saying "now hold on there Alan Jazeera. He has the highest completion percentage of his career, AND his best passing rating ever!" And you would technically be right. But that is because he has throw all of three (3) passes, two (2) of which were caught. Hurray! He's improving!

Now with his mind on to trademarking his imaging and selling it, and off of football, he can focus on the things that really matter: faith making money.

I wouldn't be surprised if an appearance on The Bachelor was in his future. They've had back-up quarterbacks before!

This was literally the most "action-y" pose I could find for him. He... he didn't play much.

2) He has accepted the path that god chose for him. Now this one probably says more about god than about Tebow. Apparently god was in Tebow's corner last year, and was helping him win games left and right. They were essentially miracles! If Jesus was a quarterback, he'd have been backing up Tebow, because man was he on fire.

And then he wasn't. Then he was just fired. Or I guess traded.

Traded to the godless, sinful town of New York City!

I assume Tebow's lack of playing time is god's punishment to Tebow for accepting to play for such heathens. But really it's all part of god's plan. His plan to start Tebow out as a savvy business mogul who sells shitty trinkets with his face and Tebow pose plastered all over them so he can amass a fortune.

For what purpose you might ask?

To live as a modern day king! To spread the word of god, of course!

"Good job, Billy! Just two more touchdowns and I'll let you into heaven."

Yes, once the money starts coming in you can rest assured that we will see Tebow much more than we would ever see him on Monday Night Football. Or even practice, probably.

3) The Almighty Dollar is true king.

Can you blame a guy for trying to make a buck? No. He's Tim Tebow, why shouldn't he make money off of "Tebowing?"

There's no reason to think he won't turn what is sure to be a very nice nest egg into something that truly helps all of mankind, just like Jesus would have wanted.

Or something like that.

To The Old Man Who Took All My Leg Room On The Bus

Look, old man. There are certain rules that we as citizens of this great fair city have to follow. Complaining about how long construction takes, acting like we are civilized while Saskatchewan is full of hicks, and loving whoever the Bombers' back-up quarterback is. But above all of these is not putting your knee across the halfway point of the seats on the bus.

Is this towel made of lead?! Man, my head hurts...

Perhaps you felt entitled to it. Yes, you were seated before I had arrived, and were probably lavishing in the glorious amount of room your legs were free to roam in. If you could stretch out your calves, I'm sure you would have. But when I sat down beside you, you should have politely scrunched your legs together ever so slightly, so that my legs could fit in that area as well.

Instead, as you refused to budge your knobby, khaki-panted knees from their position, I was forced to have just one leg in front of me, and the other leg way out in the aisle, blocking the path for people behind us who wanted to exit. The look that woman gave me when she had to brush by outstretched leg... that should have been directed at you!

"Smile, sir. No, smile. Smile! S-M-I-L-E! Ah, screw it."

And then you have the gall to press your legs out even more, pressing your knee against mine. That is when enough was enough, and I held my knee firmly in place, not giving up a single inch. Some may call it "petty", but I call it "kind of petty."

As I was getting my phone out to take a picture of the amount of leg room that you were taking up, that is when you decided to ring the bell and stand up to get off the bus.

"Sorry," he said.

"No problem," I replied.

Damn that polite old man. All my frustration melted away as he shuffled past me, avoiding bumping into me or stepping on my feet. As he stepped gracefully from the bus and headed off to his destination, I figured he probably just didn't realize how much room he had been taking. Or maybe his knees hurt. Or maybe he just figured he'd earned the space as opposed to some young punk like me. All appropriate responses to the situation.

Bless you, old man. Let's not forget to respect the elderly, in all their glory, knobby knees or otherwise. They certainly deserve it.

Who you callin' old? I could still kick your ass, son...

Adventures in Romance

Mmm... just one more game...

My girlfriend went on vacation to Vancouver this week, leaving me alone in this lonely town. As I played my fourth uninterrupted hour of NHL 13, I realized she would be coming back tomorrow, and a wave of inspiration hit me. I finished my game (naturally), and set out to begin my romantic adventure.

Just before she left, she had been hoping to install an owl-shaped hook on the wall in her room, but ran out of time. Returning home from vacations can be a let down, so I figured if she walked into her room and saw the owl already installed by yours truly, this would earn me some highly valued boyfriend points. I have a key, so the next day after school I stopped by her place and let myself into her room. I knew where she wanted the owl, so I started to make holes in her wall.

It should be noted at this point that I am not anything close to a handy man. I like to think I'm as smooth as Don Draper in that scene where he fixes the sink in his undershirt, but I'm probably more like Screech from Saved by the Bell.

Jesus, he could butter toast sexily.

So I have two somewhat lopsided holes now and I try to put the screw in. But there must be a brick wall or something deeper in there, because I can't get the hole to go further (feels like a that's what she said joke, but it's not). So my screw won't go deep enough, and as I jam it in, it's just destroying the hole I created, making it bigger and bigger (too... obvious...).

The bottom is what it should be, the top is the mess I created.

There also these yellow pieces that come with it, which look like they act as some sort of plug that I put the screws in. Maybe these are common items, but I have never seen them before. I shove the yellow thing in the hole, but now it won't even fit (dear god...). So I have to stuff the hole with toilet paper to make it a bit smaller, and I shove that little sucker in there.

Yes that's toilet paper bulging out.

Success! I trim the bulging toilet paper to make it look nice (as nice as bulging toilet paper can look) and get to work on the second hole (argh... must hold off...). I fix the owl into place and shove the screws in there, desperately hoping they will catch. And they do! Sure, maybe it's not as smooth as Don Draper, but at least it's better than Screech.

Ladies...

Feeling accomplished, I slowly back out, and await what I'm sure will be heaps of praise, and most likely more jobs around her place. But I will accept gallantly; it's all in a days work for someone who is trying to impress their girlfriend. I mean, she will have just left Vancouver, a city she loves, and someone's got to fill that hole.

That's what she said.

Ten bucks it falls off by tomorrow.

Who Thought This Was a Good Idea?

The American Freedom Defense Initiative put up these posters around New York City. For those who can't read, that says "In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. Support Israel, Defeat Jihad." Its an Ayn Rand quote, and the people of New York saw fit to do this to the posters.

You know, if the Israel/Jihad part was taken out, that could have just been an extra part of the ad for The Chamber Music Society! But instead these poorly thought out posters were slapped with "Racist" tags over them. They are trying to start the ad campaign in Washington D.C. as well, but so far are seeing a little pushback.

These ads are so stupid. Not that there is anything wrong with supporting Israel, or being against Jihadists, but when your campaign is so easily dismissed just on the face of racist, hateful speech like this, it makes it difficult to look past it to the actual message.

I'll have more substantial posts later this week!

The Nonsense of Muslims

I'm sure everyone is up to date on the recent terror in Libya and other Middle Eastern nations because of the outrage over the anti-Islam film The Innocence of Muslims. It's a tragedy that people have been killed over this film, but to me these actions are a reminder to back in 2005 when the Danish Muhammad cartoon controversy erupted.

Unfortunately to link these two events is an insult to the writers of the Danish cartoons. Those were actually a clever attempt at satire (I particularly enjoyed the picture of the cartoonist nervously drawing Muhammad while looking over his shoulder), and fully within what we in the "western world" cherish as free speech. The mocking of religion is something many people defended, rightfully so, as a necessary part of living in our modern society. The Jyllands-Posten newspaper which printed the cartoons also offered a commentary on why they printed them which included:

The modern, secular society is rejected by some Muslims. They demand a special position, insisting on special consideration of their own religious feelings. It is incompatible with contemporary democracy and freedom of speech, where one must be ready to put up with insults, mockery and ridicule.

The infamous cartoons, if you care to see them. A little small, I know. 

A well-thought response from a community only a year removed from the murder of Theo van Gogh.

On the other hand we have this abortion of cinema known as The Innocence of Muslims. I watched it, and it is so bad, I thought part way through that this must be some sort of satire of propaganda films, or just taking a jab at amateur filmmaking in general. It is so bad, I felt like it there must be some Poe's Law-type parody going on, and I was just moments away from the subtle wink, or the punchline, or something to let me know that this wasn't actually a serious effort.

But apparently it is.

You can view the film yourself, but it's pretty painful. The filmmaker clearly had the actors reading some other script, and then inserted his own words into their mouths in post-production. One laughably crude example has two characters discussing what name they should call someone else, and as one of the characters answers a disembodied voice says "His name his Muhammad." which doesn't match up at all with the his lips. It's pathetically juvenile. Which leads to the obvious question:

How can anybody possibly be insulted by this?

Now, despite what I tell women who I think might potentially sleep with me, I am not an expert on foreign policy. But it doesn't take a desperate college student to see that something else is clearly going on here. Something much bigger than this shit-stain of a film (which to call it that is an insult to films, and shit-stains, everywhere).

This is the kind of manufactured outrage that is designed by the people in power to keep the people out of power chaotic and angered. It keeps them pointing their fingers across the ocean, instead of back at their own leaders.

A film ten times more eloquent and a hundred times more critical of Islam should be able to be produced and not have any violence erupt from it. The same way we should be able to be critical of any idea or ideology that can be thought up; nothing is sacred. Unfortunately, we just don't live in that type of world right now.

Awesome NFL Punter's Gay Marriage Defense

I read this over the weekend, and thought it was worth sharing. NFL Punter Chris Cluwe went on a tirade against Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr.


"I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population..."


Nice. Read the full thing here. 

Predictions for the 2012 US Election

The Democratic National Convention is going on right now, and we are just two months away from election day. So what better way to make things go by faster than by throwing out some predictions!

1) Barack Obama will win a second term as President of the United States.

Not the boldest prediction at this point, but it seems pretty reasonable. Even if Mitt Romney gets Florida and Ohio, he will still have quite a long way to go, and I just don't see the campaigns trending that way.  The Republican National Convention didn't give him a huge boost, so really all Romney has left are the debates to win over undecided voters. But the debates look to be a place where Romney will be confronted head on by issues that he has been able to hide from behind a timid media.

2) Once Mitt Romney loses, the right wing media will throw him under the bus.

Do you remember how harshly the right wing media came down on Justice John Roberts when he was the tie-breaking vote for the constitutionality of the Affordable Health Care for America Act? They are not a forgiving bunch. And it's my feeling that if Romney loses you will see a movement even further to the right.

All the defences they've put up to protect him and push him forward will come crumbling down. Do you recall during the primaries how reluctant they were to embrace him? The voters too, yes, but the media played a big role in that as well. Everyone else was getting their chance to be the anti-Romney candidate in 2011. Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich (twice), Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, and Herman Cain.

Look at this graph from Media Matters:

The left side coincides with his official announcement to run for president. Follow that link (or this one) and you'll see that everyone got their chance on Fox News to audition for the chance to be the nominee. And they all rose up, and then fell back down, one after another. And finally it was Herman Cain's sexual harassment scandal that they had had enough. It was clear no one else was going to take it from Romney, and it was like the changed overnight, defending him from attacks from far more conservative nominees because he actually had the most realistic chance of challenging President Obama.

That allegiance, once the election is over (and thus there is no more use for him), will come crashing down, and Romney will be hung out to dry as "not conservative enough."All the defences they have for him now will turn into attacks on why he actually wasn't the right candidate. They will "discover" that Romney actually wasn't the hardcore conservative he said he was, and now if they just find that guy (or girl) then they'll have a real shot for 2016.

3) The Republican Party will shift further to the right.

George W. Bush, love him or hate him, is conspicuously absent from the campaign trail. And good for him, saying he wants to "stay out of the spotlight." Since leaving office, he has remained silent on President Obama's policies for the most part, made an appearance on Oprah, and has enjoyed retirement. He even found time to combat AIDS in Africa.

But what is the real reason George W. Bush is not around? Is it because he is an easy target for blame for the recession? Partly, but I think it is mainly because George W. Bush is no longer a hardcore conservative to the current Republic (Tea) Party. Government did not get smaller under Bush, it got bigger. He proposed immigration reform that was supported by Democrats, but not by his own party. And look at No Child Left Behind. Bush worked with the Democrats to create the act which actually increased education spending nationwide. This kind of talk is absolutely unheard of in today's GOP.

So we will come to whole new 8-year cycle in 2016, and I believe the party will shift even further to the right. Will poster-boy Paul Ryan take the helm? He is a tea-party favourite, but being tied to a losing candidate for President could hurt his image, and he might not do well against Joe Biden in the debates. Jeb Bush? Or someone new? The field is going to be wide open. You won't see all of these big name candidates declining to run for personal reasons like Mike Huckabee and Chris Christie. It is going to be every man for himself, and you are going to see some very different ideologies come forward as the Republican Party tries to shape itself into a modern conservative movement.

Regardless of who the next nominee is, if you hated the endless primary season this time around, you are going to absolutely loathe it next time.



Let me know what you guys think in the comments below. Am I way off? Do you see something different? I'd love you hear all of your opinions!

The First Post!

Here we go, this is officially the first post of my new blog. Thank you very much for reading it, but let's get to the nitty gritty.

What will this blog be about? Well, as of right now, it is currently named Alan Jazeera, which implies it will be some sort of news-oriented blog, perhaps with puns. I think that's a pretty fair guess, but I can't really predict the future.

I am not the smartest person in Creative Communications class, nor am I the best looking, but I do have an opinion, and that is the one thing I will share on this blog. And typos. I am more than willing to include many, many typos to appease my fans who cherish them.

Will there be cake? Doubtful.

Okay, that's enough procrastinating let's get this show on the road; and I think it's pretty classy to include a nice quote, so that's what I'm going to do. Let's go with my hero, Christopher Hitchens:

"The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks."

Mmm, perfect. Ok, let's enjoy!