Tebowing: Because Nothing's More Important Than the Almighty Dollar

Tim Tebow has decided to trademark his signature pose known as Tebowing. I think this is really great news for him, because it means a few things:

"Fuck, I glued my hand to my head again. Ah, I'm sure no one will notice..."

1) He has acknowledged his future lies far more in taking money from people with "Tebow" pencils, "Tebow" bracelets and other "Tebow" bullshit that his mindless followers will surely buy, than with playing any meaningful football and earning his fortune through that. And good for him.

Now you might be looking at his stats, and saying "now hold on there Alan Jazeera. He has the highest completion percentage of his career, AND his best passing rating ever!" And you would technically be right. But that is because he has throw all of three (3) passes, two (2) of which were caught. Hurray! He's improving!

Now with his mind on to trademarking his imaging and selling it, and off of football, he can focus on the things that really matter: faith making money.

I wouldn't be surprised if an appearance on The Bachelor was in his future. They've had back-up quarterbacks before!

This was literally the most "action-y" pose I could find for him. He... he didn't play much.

2) He has accepted the path that god chose for him. Now this one probably says more about god than about Tebow. Apparently god was in Tebow's corner last year, and was helping him win games left and right. They were essentially miracles! If Jesus was a quarterback, he'd have been backing up Tebow, because man was he on fire.

And then he wasn't. Then he was just fired. Or I guess traded.

Traded to the godless, sinful town of New York City!

I assume Tebow's lack of playing time is god's punishment to Tebow for accepting to play for such heathens. But really it's all part of god's plan. His plan to start Tebow out as a savvy business mogul who sells shitty trinkets with his face and Tebow pose plastered all over them so he can amass a fortune.

For what purpose you might ask?

To live as a modern day king! To spread the word of god, of course!

"Good job, Billy! Just two more touchdowns and I'll let you into heaven."

Yes, once the money starts coming in you can rest assured that we will see Tebow much more than we would ever see him on Monday Night Football. Or even practice, probably.

3) The Almighty Dollar is true king.

Can you blame a guy for trying to make a buck? No. He's Tim Tebow, why shouldn't he make money off of "Tebowing?"

There's no reason to think he won't turn what is sure to be a very nice nest egg into something that truly helps all of mankind, just like Jesus would have wanted.

Or something like that.